To be real, the main reason is because of love. That will always be a beautiful fact for me.
A constant thing in my life is my perception of some things, my personal goals, and my self love. I always believed that having a strong foundations of these things will help in most challenges. The past year has been quite hard as I juggled school and work. The commute time from home - work- and school has been brutal. The time devoted to studying has caused me lack of sleep and losing a few muscle mass (haha). It was such a clusterfuck but everyday I remind myself that despite of it all, my personal perseverance is what got me out of bed every morning.
For the past year, I was deprived of things I normally love doing. These things are super generic! I like to watch shows/movies and read books. I have to devote my time to work and my school work, haha. It was a sacrifice to make because I want to further my career (and hopefully get into academia!).
The pandemic continued to affect me mentally and I wasn't spared from the racial slurs and hostility of some clients that I've encountered at my job to the point of being afraid of being asian in New York City. I didn't think I will be exactly what the news described. I feel for others who experienced this on the daily. After three occasions, I felt that I need to accept defeat and seek help.
I am doing my best to come out stronger. I am doing my best to remain inspired. I am doing my best to not be hateful - at this moment, I don't think I will ever get to that point, because the good is so much more better than the bad.
The positive sides about New York City for me is the diversity of culture and food. Despite of it all, I know that this is where I thrive. I love learning about people and eating food. I really love my open-mindedness about these things. I also did not realize that I will have appreciation for upstate New York way more than I realized. I finally got a waterfall moment.
I like to think that living in New York City made me hold on to my resilience tighter than ever. It made me hold on to practicing gratitude and embracing the good things however small they can feel sometimes. I will think about a compliment from a patient, the deep talks with a classmate/colleague on the train, and having someone to embrace. For other things, I embrace the independence to do whatever the hell I want in my current situation that I am realistically capable of doing.
New York City, I always knew you would be chaotic and that I will be stressed. I know that my heart broke, at times, but here I am to stay. You had opened so many doors for me career wise and inspired me to do more. Please continue to show me love, as this is what got me here in the first place. At this point, you are my home. Thank you for having me.
May the next year give me more blessings and stability.
Until next time.
No comments :
Post a Comment